I have a lot of health problems. I like to think I deal well with them most of the time, but reality is that I don't have a lot of choice in the matter. It's deal or die.

Recently I have been in a lot of pain. We, my doctors and I, are still trying to figure out why I am in pain, but if I am honest with myself, and I generally try to be, I just wish the pain would cease. I don't really care about the why of it.
After a time of living with this issue and that one, most of which involve chronic pain, one more just becomes, well, one more. Life becomes a matter of juggling the different kinds of pain, trying to spread them out so that they don't gang up on you all at once.

And, at some points, the constant pain just wears on you. It becomes more and more challenging to be upbeat, to deal with some kind of grace, let alone some dignity. That is really the first thing you are robbed of when you get any kind of chronic/terminal illness, is your dignity. And trying to regain it means working against the system, it means being disagreeable on occasion, it means doing research and speaking up. And that, in itself, can grow wearisome.
I guess that, just for today, I am sick of the struggle. Today I just want surcease.