Self

I spend a lot of time these days trying to take care of myself. It's a new thing, this drive, and I am often uncomfortable while doing it.

I have spent the past decade becoming invisible, even to myself, and to come out of that, to stop being neuter and be a woman, to attempt to participate in the dance of awkward that is relationships is still a struggle.

Am I doing it right? Is it possible to do it wrong? Am I enough? Am I attractive? All these things that have not even thought about for so long and now there they are at the forefront, every day. Am I too heavy? Too butch?

And so today, at this moment, I remind myself that there is someone for everyone, that the point is to honor myself with my care, and that willingness will take me a very long way. These are things I KNOW are true, they have always been true, and that will not change simply because this time it is about me.